Therefore, I am not running the Big Woods tomorrow. I’m not that pissed, but I am definitely upset. My knee hurts at about a 7, my elbows are about a 9, and my lower back is an 8. How much more ice can I use?!?!?!?
I’m still running the Monster Dash 5k9 next weekend, no matter what (what “runner” can’t run 3.1 with their dog in a costume party???) and one of my She Runs gals, as well as one of my women’s running class women are both running this race. Hopefully more, once I push it.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Pito since Toots came and I’ve been thinking about my trips and my own father, and my life experience until now. I interviewed for a new job at REI today and it actually made me think about my life’s purpose more than I think other applicants will think about, and I had the realization, again, that I have done almost everything in my life that I intended to do. ALREADY. AT 37 YEARS OLD. How f-ing cool is that?!? Yes, I still have goals, yes, I still have LOTS to do. The world has not changed yet and that is my ultimate goal, but I think that at this point in my life, I have done what I needed to do, and more, to be who I meant to be. I don’t know how to express what that feels like. It may seem that I did not know Pito long, but I think I knew Pito and the Toots, Banana, and I Guess Bibi family long ago. I have realized that Pito was with me in Canada, that Pita shows up in my life over and over as a moral compass in different women I meet, and the three girls are there presently, always, in a way that my own family have never been. Strange how a job interview can make you re-think the lessons of the last 5-10 years, isn’t it? I’ll be greatly disappointed if I don’t get the job…I do not want to stock clothing for the rest of my life…but at the same time, I have a GREAT FRIGGING LIFE. This summer has changed so much for me.
I have alluded to grieving Pito in Canada, but I don’t think I’ve expressed the gratitude that I feel that the last person that has died in my life lived a life worth celebrating. I’m grateful that I do not need to feel the darkness and turbulence that has come with the previous deaths in my family. I’m grateful that I have had an example of how to live AND die. With greatness. With clarity. With joy and humor. With gravitas. With a healthy, beautiful, functional family following me, not to mention the friends.
I realized when Pito died, that he left the most beautiful legacy behind. How can I regret that? How can that be bad? All of his daughters are now running in some capacity, and some have the capacity to break records. All of his daughters are successful. All of his daughters know who they are. THAT is a legacy.
So, thank you REI, yet again, for unwittingly providing me with reflection. I may not get the job, and frankly, I do not want to be hopeful, because I risk great, great disappointment, but hell, I would not have spent the afternoon and evening thinking about my life, Pito, my expectations, my lessons, and the rest of my extended family had I not done this interview.
The post- post thought: I had the great experience of speaking my truth in a job interview. How often do we get to do that? I got to be 100% honest about who I am in a job interview. That’s never happened before.
