I just realized it’s been 2 weeks since I posted anything (other than brief comments) on TAS. The sad thing is I don’t exactly remember what I’ve been up to the last 2 weeks! Ok, lying, just been busy…Banana can’t wait to see you - I need a break!
Let’s see…to summarize my runs…. Well, the good thing is that I haven’t missed any - yet. Week #12 was nothing but tough, difficult, tiresome, tedious runs on zero energy. Last weekend’s 12 miler was the pits! Punxsk8erdude had an out-of-town soccer game (in Temple, TX!) so I think I was still tired from the trip the next day when I ran the 12 miler. I did it, but it wasn’t good - one of my worse runs yet.
This weekend livened up a bit…in more ways than I needed. The week started with company from out of town and it pretty much ended with more company from out of town. I didn’t have any time off from work, so between work, taking dad to his Dr.’s appointments, entertaining, and running, well, like I mentioned earlier…I was busy. Also, it was Fiesta week…we toned it down a bit by only attending a minimum number of events this year, but it was still hectic none-the-less. I’m actually quite surprised I didn’t miss any runs this week; however, Punxsk8erdude and I did miss our annual Fiesta Fandango Fun Run last night - I was just too tired and today’s 18 miler had been looming in my head all week long.
So here we are today, 18 miles later at the end of week #13. Overall a good run and Mother Nature actually got it half right. The temperatures were fabulous (in the 60’s all day - can you belive it?!?); however, instead of the promised rain I got gusts of wind (18 -20 mph! - ugh!) throughout the ENTIRE run! It was tough - I hear you Lumpy!!!
Lumpy and I took G to Hyland again, and I knew I would not do well. We ran/walked, and actually saw quite a bit of wildlife. Right at the end I was thinking, “Gosh, we never see deer here…” Two seconds later a young female deer crossed the path right in front of us.
There’s nothing like running in 2-5 inches of mud to provide clarity. I felt like I had a rock in my stomach until we went running/walking/hiking.
Here’s the post run photo shoot:
She Runs feels very troublesome to me right now and it’s very upsetting. It’s one of my One True Things. Running is that, and spending time with Trubble, G, Miss Thang, Guinness, WunderHund, is one of the others. I feel like it’s being bastardized by politics and STUPH. I’m trying to love the world. I really am. I want to know that positive vibes can survive in America today. My small portion of the world makes me crazy sometimes and I just want to control the chaos. I want it to be better. I want to hold it to a higher standard. I’m really frustrated tonight. Perhaps tomorrow will bring more clarity. I truly hope so.
I’ve been running twice a day at least 2-3 times a week for the last 3 weeks. It’s usually intentional, and the second run usually involves running with 9-11 year old girls or bringing in the last of my women in my running class, but I’m feeling fatigued. I’ve been riding everywhere, strength training, running, trail running, taking care of sale prep (BIG ASS SALE AT REI!!!! BUY SHIT, BUY SHIT!!!!), and sometimes it hits me that my legs are really quite fatigued. Sometimes I just think about the “dark place” from my last post and I run faster and harder. Sometimes I ignore it and think about how high my metabolism must be right now. Other times I think about how lucky I am that I can push myself this hard.
I’ve referred a few times to feeling like I don’t have time left. That’s due to my knee that does not have all the cartilage. I really don’t know how many marathons I have left in my knee, and I feel a lot of pressure to break 4 hours. I KNOW that I have it in me, that’s the frustrating part. I know I can go the distance, I know that I have the mental capability, I know that I have the strength. I just don’t know how much more training/running/racing my knee can handle. Most of the time it’s fine. Occasionally I feel like I need to take a month off. Usually, I have pain and it randomly buckles when I’m walking. It adds up to SUCK. I never thought I would be the person who had to deal with a body that would not allow my goals to happen. I’m holding on to the ideal situation; that I can complete 2-3 more marathons before my knee is shot.
Shall we try for one more together? I would love to see Toots, Sally, Lumpy, Coworker #1, and maybe even Banana (now that she’ll be done with school) run one together. Lumpy and I are kind of already in the works for Dublin ‘09, if you could all be convinced to come along.
“If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve.”
–Lao Tzu
After my last bit of darkness, this quote means quite a bit to me. Dying is easy. It’s getting through every day that is difficult. I’m not in that space right now, but I never think that I will not go back there. I know every day that thinking about death every minute of every day is not far from me. I know every day that I have much to live for, but I never doubt that my past and all it’s possibilities are not far from my mind. With that in mind, I woke up today feeling off. I was angry about everything I could be angry about. I refused to look at the bigger picture and I let everything get to me. I’m sitting here tonight after running at Afton (not badly, by the way, provided all the crap I let get in the way), and after enjoying steak-frites, and realizing that I am doing better than almost everyone I know, and I’m still struggling with loving the world. The world was not kind today and I do not want that negative energy living in my house. I wish I had some sage to burn to protect me and to protect Lumpy (sometimes from me), and to give me clarity. It was a gorgeous day, a lot got done, it just doesn’t feel right or good. People were self-centered, rude, in the way, and yet I succeeded. I even spread good cheer and luck. But I still don’t feel anything good.
“The things we touch have no permanence.
My master would say: there is nothing we can hold onto in this world.
Only by letting go can we truly possess what is real.”
(Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)
I woke up after having SLEPT THE WHOLE NIGHT THROUGH. Minor miracle. An event. Unparalleled. I stayed in bed as long as my aches and pains would let me after I woke up. Took Dawg for a walk and then to the vet; found out that she is “in perfect health.” Came home, went running, ran 5 HARD. Averaged about 8:45s, passed some middle aged out of shape dude who tried to not let me pass him, left him in the dust, thought my head might explode because at that point I cranked it up to about 8:30s. Got home, took Dawg for an hour walk because I did not want to deal with her for the rest of the day. Ate like a horse. Did part of my strength training, researched some info for my running class this evening. Went to class, ran 3 with the women, talked about gear. Rode my bike to and from class. Sitting at the computer right now posting about mundane crap and having a glass of rouge. My legs hurt. Trying to figure out what marathon I need to choose. Contemplating Afton. Relieved that Lumpy suggested Afton instead of the 5k this weekend, because after all, I’d ALWAYS rather run trail. Thinking about tomorrow and She Runs. Must. Sleep. Soon.
So I chose today, with the near 70F temps, as the kick-off to my biking home from work season. Maybe this will kick start some much needed training for myself.
However, today we had a wind advisory in effect. 20mph winds, gusts up to 40mph, out of the South. Great, bringing all the warm Southern area up here to Minnefreezer. Here’s the flaw: about 80% 90% of my ride home is DUE SOUTH. I don’t feel like doing the math, but that’s a lot of force.
Let’s just say, I had to peddle while going downhill just to keep moving forward.
