Toots and Sally Ride Again

Or, why I hate Paris, the Paris Marathon, and everything else for good measure.

Let’s jump back to the spring of 2004. Sally was running the Chicago Lakeshore Marathon and Lumpy was running his first half-marathon, The Lakeshore Half. It was a new race and touted as the spring marathon opposite The Chicago Marathon.  And it was completely along the lake shore paths. It was a beautiful course. However, it was a debacle. Aide stations were unmanned. Those that were staffed had NO WATER. The course was mislabeled, and some ran more or less than 26.2 miles. Oh, and it was a clear, sunny, and hot day. Heat. No Water. Distance running. Not a good combination.

Jump to Paris, the Paris Marathon 15 April 2007. A clear, sunny, and hot day. It was forecast to hit 80F. The race directors made an effort to tell everyone at the Pasta Party to be sure to take water at all the stops. If you do not do this, you will not finish the race. Great. That’s great advice, BUT THEN THERE NEEDS TO BE FRACKIN’ WATER AT THE AID STATIONS!!!

Read the rest of my blathering after the fold…

Aid stations were scheduled every 5km along the course. Water, oranges, bananas, sport drink. Some also had sugar cubes, dates, gummie bears, and some other crap. Excellent. This matched up with our training. I was on pace for the first 5km and hit the first aide station. Water, crushed orange and banana peel, covering the ground. I grabbed some orange slices and water and was off. It was hot.

Let me abbreviate here: aide stations two and three had NO WATER. NO WATER. When I say NO WATER, that means there was NO FRACKIN’ WATER. How is this possible?!?! It’s nearly 80 degrees and I’m in need of hydration. At the second stop I ended up with some of the sport drink. I didn’t realize it at first, drank it, and made myself sick.

If there was no water there was no way I was going to finish this race. After the third aide station with NO WATER, runners started looking on the ground and picking up used bottles that might have some water left in them. Appalling.

By the time we reached the half marathon point, I was going to have to throw in the towel, but I was so furious at this situation that I forced myself to continue. Fortunately this aid station had water. I took four. Screw them. It was a pointless effort. I had already bonked. My legs were cramping. Then I had great boost.

Some older guy comes up behind me, as I’m walking on a uphill just after the half marathon point. He places his hand on my back and says, as best I can recall, “Alles mayo jougne. Blah Blah descand.” Yeah, my French sucks. Basically he said “Go yellow shirt. It’s downhill shortly.” This was inspirational. This guy was suddenly my hero. I offered him on of my four waters, but he had his own. I tried to keep track of him for the remainder of the race, but lost him. I wanted a photo with him. So to whoever you are, THANKS.

Shortly after this I saw our cheering section, Banana and Old Uncle Brad. I through them into a tizzy as I ran past and told them there was no water and to bring water to the end. The remaining aid stations were better stocked, I think there was water at each for the rest of the race. But it was too late for me. The heat and lack of water at the start already killed me. Despite my inspirational guy, I should have stopped and walked off the course.

Toots ran into me somewhere near the last 5-6 miles I think. I was planning at that point to walk the rest of the way. I ran, and did some walking, with Toots for the remainder of the race. She pulled me trough as well. Thanks Toots! Our support crew showed up around miles 23 with water. Excellent effort on their part.  Fortunately, water was abundant by this point in the race.

Well, 5 hours 20 odd minutes later I finished. A full hour off my expected time. In agony. Dehydrated. Sun burnt. Furious.

There was NO WATER. NO WATER. I find this appalling that such a large and established race could allow this to happen.

Oh, there’s more, but I’m tired. I’ve spent the last nearly 24 hours sick, making trips between the bed and the bathroom. Likely from the two handfuls of water I scooped from a park fountain after the third aide stations had NO WATER.